After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
