chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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