Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just want to make out with him forever
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
