I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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