Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
