Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
