She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
