I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
