The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
