Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
