hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
