Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize