I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
