Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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