I need help removing her.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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