My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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