went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
