Soap is not a condiment
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
