i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
