I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
