I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
