I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
