did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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