I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
