i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
