At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
