Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
