The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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