Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
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OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
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the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS