You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
