I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching