She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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