I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.