Texts From Last Night

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  (210): View more from Texas

  spencer pratt says his family invinted chess

  (1-210): View more from Texas

  that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.

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  (210): spencer pratt says his family invinted chess (1-210): that kid is like the al gore of hollywood. http://tfl.nu/qms6
  Replies (19) Good night (965) Bad night (2263)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?

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  (610): So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues? http://tfl.nu/kfs7
  Replies (16) Good night (1331) Bad night (3536)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Ah, my reputation precedes me.

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  (812): The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me. (317): Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around. (812): Ah, my reputation precedes me. http://tfl.nu/vl1p
  Replies (25) Good night (1795) Bad night (4557)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities

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  (812): i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities http://tfl.nu/t8hr
  Replies (7) Good night (5602) Bad night (1093)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.

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  (501): As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story. http://tfl.nu/lu21
  Replies (2) Good night (988) Bad night (2349)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...

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  (484): slut bingo starts in ten minutes ... http://tfl.nu/yeun
  Replies (5) Good night (3230) Bad night (904)
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  (714): View more from California

  I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?

  (949): View more from California

  Midgetier?

  (714): View more from California

  Smaller, yet meaner.

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  (714): I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic? (949): Midgetier? (714): Smaller, yet meaner. http://tfl.nu/nr7w
  Replies (12) Good night (4159) Bad night (978)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself

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  (303): It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself http://tfl.nu/u3l5
  Replies (6) Good night (760) Bad night (1986)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.

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  (410): Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo (410): Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman. http://tfl.nu/b3bx
  Replies (2) Good night (1540) Bad night (1041)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head

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  (815): I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head http://tfl.nu/qmtv
  Replies (18) Good night (1460) Bad night (1962)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.

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  (208): You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch. http://tfl.nu/o56t
  Replies (1) Good night (1375) Bad night (520)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.

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  (917): She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl. http://tfl.nu/btqg
  Replies (1) Good night (1437) Bad night (881)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.

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  (608): You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here. http://tfl.nu/9wgz
  Replies (9) Good night (531) Bad night (1548)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra

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  (410): it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra http://tfl.nu/z3o4
  Replies (2) Good night (565) Bad night (304)
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  (279): View more from

  Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.

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  (279): Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self. http://tfl.nu/wxz9
  Replies (1) Good night (549) Bad night (244)

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