if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
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i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
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Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.