I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
