woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!