i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..