I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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