i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
