Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
