hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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