Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
