You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He did a backflip because drugs
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