she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
