Sponge bath it is.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
