He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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