We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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