someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
