Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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