why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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