Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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