I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
