I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
