Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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