I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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