And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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