I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
