whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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