i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
