i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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