The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
