i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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