Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
