also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
