literally had 100 drinks last night.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
