Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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