My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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