Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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