So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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