so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
