Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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