i love accidental penises.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
