I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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