she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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