After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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