I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
