My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
