Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
