It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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