dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
