I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
that is very illegal...i love you.
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