I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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