We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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