Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
