There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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