farters have to be the big spoon...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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