I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
