so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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