he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
