dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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