just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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