Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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