his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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