you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
