I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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