It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
